I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
