i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
