I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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