How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
