Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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