OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
