I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
