i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
