...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
