Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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