She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize