i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
