Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
