were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
