Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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