Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Soap is not a condiment
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
