She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
