i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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