I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
