i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
