I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
