drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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