I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
