it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
