MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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