it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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