I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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