Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
