her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
