Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
