i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
