this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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