The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize