I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
