I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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