have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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