I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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