Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
