If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
