The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
