Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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