last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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