Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
