pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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