So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
