Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
