i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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