I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
