He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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