Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
