haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
