I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
