I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
