turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
