Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
