he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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