this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
