I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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