On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
