i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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