He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
