I could make wine with my vomit
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
