I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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