i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
