these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
