weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
