She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize